Mitch League Preview: Week 5

Well, I've done it again and waited until the last minute on this. I guess that means that we'll do a quick Elite Eight and then the Best of the Rest as I'm going to call it which will consist of a basic ranking of the lower 8 teams

POWER RANKINGS (Week Five- The Elite Eight Edition):

1. Falling Candy Bars (3-1) : Let's put it this way. I'm an old school rankings buff. If you knock off the number one team and you're near the top what does that make you? That's right, number one. Peyton didn't quite make it to 30, but it certainly wasn't for lack of trying. Can he hold off number 3 Carl and maintain his number one spot or will there be a new number 1 next week? Stay tuned.


2. Walking Fire Exits (3-1) : Despite the heartbreaker last week, Russ is probably still the team to beat. With waiver savvy and a great draft, he has Moss running on all cylinders and next week will have Chad Johnson putting on the Fire suit to complete the scariest receiver combo in Mitch League.


3. Chainsaw Jugglers (3-1) : As predicted Carl continues to roll. While it may cost him to not drop someone and pick up a defense, he has excellent players on his bench and a bye week that would scare anyone in Week 5. Even if he loses, I'd still consider him a top threat when he's at full strength next week.

4. Soccer 'N' Shishkabob (3-1) : Did you hear about that Aussie couple that wanted to name their baby 4 Real because the experience was so amazing that they wanted his name to embody that? Well, I said last week that Ben had to get back some byes to cement his spot. Welcome back to the show dogg.

5. Temporarily Stairs (2-2) : Consider T-Stairs stung, but not out. It's not that he didn't score last week, it's just that he didn't score enough to stop the white hot I Hate Turtlenecks team. Anyhow, I think that Romo goes to Buffalo and throws around the Bills secondary like a ragdoll.


6. 2,000 Rice (3-1) : Like I said earlier. You beat someone and you're a contender, you're going to get their spot. I guess that Chris took what I said personally last week about the flossing joke and went out and put a hurting on Tom. And by hurting I mean a matchup that produced a total of less than 80 points. Ha!


7. I Hate Turtlenecks (2-2) : Let's be honest. We all went... huh. When Paul drafted the Bears D first, we laughed, we cried, we shot soda out our nose. Looking back at the draft you could say the he Homer'd it with some hometown picks, but with the top 5 running backs running like your grandma Paul is thriving with a solid D and some great efforts from his position players? Could he be the Fresher of 2007?


8. Crazy Ass Tartar (2-2) : Okay, so maybe he didn't floss the way he should have, but My Friend Tom Clark still believes in good dental hygiene AND a team that should continue to win. Facing off against Russ he's going to have a tall order to fill this week, but if he wins, you will see this team in the Top 5 next week.



Best of the Rest:

9. Texas Grilled Fritos (3-1): These aren't win rankings. Those are three ugly wins.
10. The Dill Devils (1-3): A tough loss for a team that is better than their record.
11. $2 Bills (2-2): This team is upcoming, but still off to a slow start.
12. April Fools (1-3): Had a really bad week last week, but looking to rebound.
13. Your Friends @ Yoplait (1-3): Did last week really happen? 28.10 points? Dayum.
14. That's A Fresher (2-2): Like I said, not a win ranking, a power ranking. Ugly wins are still wins.
15. Severed Foot (0-4): They'll get off the snide eventually.
16. The Sponge Ruiners (1-3): ...so you're saying there's a chance...



The Commissioner's Game of the Week:

After defeated Russ' undefeated Walking Fire Exits last week, Ian and his Falling Candy Bars hope to keep their winning ways going with a defenseless Chainsaw Jugglers team. That's not to say that Carl will be unprotected or without teeth in this matchup. He's got a couple of good matchups that could yield some points and if Maurice Jones-Drew ever wakes up from his pipe dream enough to bust out a big game, this would be the week to do it. Having implications on the rest of the season on top. I dub thee, Game of the Week.

Prediction: Bars 62, Jugglers 57


Hope this is entertaining and you're actually reading it. I'll try to get it up midweek after I get my GIS project done and my house off to permit. Until then, I remain...

Mitchelly Yours,

The Commish